By February 5, 2021. All attendees for the coaching pilot group are screened by application and interview. Please answer the following questions and follow the instructions in this module. The last assignment will include scheduling an interview appointment with the Crisses.
In Their Shoes: Stuck & Lost Headmates
February 12, 2021 group coaching session prep.
Preparations: Becoming a Welcoming System
February 19, 2021 group coaching session prep.
February 26, 2021 group coaching session prep.
Welcome Home / Welcome Back
March 5, 2021 group coaching session prep.
Search & Rescue Introduction
Thank you for your interest in this coaching group.
We are The Crisses, and we’ve been providing individual and group coaching and support group assistance for plural folk for over 20 years. We are a trained life coach, spent 25+ years doing selves-help work, and we have worked closely with other plural systems learning, packaging, and teaching some of the grassroots wisdom of our community.
This is a very challenging topic. The whole “Search & Rescue” issue revolves around traumatized, hurt, hidden, lost, or stuck headmates who may be in denial and believe they’re in the here & now, or wholeheartedly believe they are stuck in a time-loop in the past, or have no sense of time whatsoever, stuck and mired in their pain and PTSD spirals and loops and unable to figure out which way is up, nevermind how to get unstuck or get out.
Uncovering lost or stuck folk is not a casual matter. If folk are able to get themselves unstuck and become more co-conscious without additional assistance, it’s usually easier. They’re generally more ready, already more in the Here & Now. Helping folk who want to get unstuck or who want to be found is a positive, affirming activity, and it is our hope that y’all will eventually easily and casually find, uncover, or at least welcome anyone who is ready to come forward.
In some cases, folk are really lost, but they also really want help coming home. For example, someone with abandonment issues may need additional evidence that you really care and do want them to come back towards Front or the Here & Now. They may want or need additional reassurances that it’s safe, or that someone specific will dedicate themselves to looking out for them while they get their footing. It is okay to provide evidence, to inform, to educate, to assist. And that’s why we have Big Missions, which will be touched on in the last section of the coaching materials.
That said, everything y’all do with these materials should be strictly by consent. We do not condone any coercion, stalking folk who want or need to hide, or pressuring folk to come into the Here & Now. Your system knows best, including those who are not ready, who run away from you, or hide deeper. We will discuss what to do if you make a rescue attempt only to find that you cannot get full consent to help them come back to the Here & Now, and put them in the best position possible for their (and by extension your&) future.
We will not be performing any rescues during live class time, nor do we expect for anyone in the course to rescue headmates while the course is in session altogether. This course is informational. It may take weeks or months to digest the content, and to put yourselves into a position where y’all are prepared and ready to attempt to rescue any headmates. By doing the rest of the work, however, y’all may find that folk reveal themselves or introduce themselves on their own, as y’all may be deepening trust, or making certain that folk are aware that it’ safe now, etc.
We highly recommend that y’all have a support team in place before doing any rescues or “Big Missions” — and it might well be a good idea for anyone to have a support team in place regardless of whether or not y’all do ANY deliberate rescues. If y’all have the time, please work through the System Safety Plan course (free, self-paced, stand-alone), before during or after this course — but preferably before y’all perform any rescue missions at all.
Rescuing headmates can both be challenging in itself, destabilizing, and ultimately exceptionally rewarding. Some folk may be partially co-aware and finally come fully into the Now, others may show up whom y’all had no idea even existed. And these are all Ok. Making sure that y’all have supports in place, and are ready to help newly found/rescued headmates get comfortable and feel welcome can make this all the more successful, and can shorten any awkward processes or adjustment periods that folk need after the “big reveal” or a rescue.
Since this material is somewhat advanced, we have asked that y’all selves-screen for whether or not you believe you would be a good fit for the course. Systems with these qualities will likely absorb the information and be able to determine how to best use it for their system. These qualities are:
- Internal cooperation and group trust amongst at least a sub-group of your& system.
- Intermediate communication in-system (the ability to have internal discussions or meetings).
- The ability to consider spiritual concepts from other cultures than your& own.
- (optional but very helpful) A good sense or grasp of your& inner world.
We will not be discussing much about how to develop these concepts as we’ve done a lot of work on them elsewhere in our online materials.
Course Spoon/Time/Energy/Effort Requirements
Each live session is 1.5 hours, we generally stay on-time, we would like you to show up 5 minutes early at minimum to work out any connectivity issues if need be. On a few rare occasions we have stayed late to make sure to cover topics or concerns of group members, help with personal issues, or allow a good discussion to continue.
Each live session assumes that everyone has viewed/read/listened to preparation materials. Please make sure that you have 2-3 hours of time (minimum) to go over preparation materials before each live session. Also each lesson builds on the previous lesson — if you are absent we may have some info to help y’all catch up for the next lesson; please contact us.
After most live lessons there will be some type of practical exercise to do or habits to build throughout the week. Even if y’all don’t do it during the live sessions, we recommend doing it before moving on to the next practical exercise.
There will be an anonymous weekly survey and end-of-course survey. We would really prefer to get your anonymous and honest feedback on what is or is not working or making sense for y’all. It’s fairly short with a couple areas to rate, and some blank questions to fill in. We only get the information filled into the form, we will only have a clue who it might be based on what y’all put into the form. And it would be OK if y’all submit more than once if other headmates have a different opinion to share.
We try to make everything accessible as our spoons & time allow, but if y’all need specific accommodations we will find a way to prioritize them.