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Thanks for the reply!
For us, there’s also a cost to living in denial & confusion about our own (“my own”) behavior that came with the illusion of singularity. Understanding that we are many gave us answers we didn’t have and working with each other improved our behavior in the external world as a group rather than being erratic, unpredictable but “singular”. So even while we might mourn an illusion of “simplicity” — it has actually helped us live in integrity and freed up spoons from anxiety about “what might I do” in any given situation. Hopefully that makes sense. 🙂
In many ways, this leveling up in system acceptance, in caring for each other, etc. becomes an investment in our system’s future. One of us may not always be the host, for example. Also note that responsibility for acceptance and meeting internal folks needs doesn’t solely fall on a host and the resources we have in the external world. Pooling inner and outer resources and getting creative can be very helpful for meeting needs and helping everyone in our system feel safer and get their needs taken care of. 🙂 We’ve seen some systems pile all the responsibility for meeting needs on the system host, or via “internalized ableism” we’ve also seen system hosts take on the lion’s share of the system responsibility for getting those needs met. We’ve found that there will be times we overcompensate and we make a point to be gentle and compassionate with each other as we figure out the balance and new rhythms for meeting needs and doing selves care activities 🙂 Also, those needs are ever-changing anyway. So working on fluidity, seeing grey areas/shading/gradations, and accepting that various things in life ebb, flow, change has been very helpful.
Awesome! Welcome aboard. A lot has happened on the site since we tossed this course up in a big rush in Fall 2020 so please let us know if you have any questions and welcome aboard, hope you create a great course 🙂
Oh, you may have read things before joining the course — way at the beginning, but they may not be checked off?
See in the sidebar it says how many lessons in the module are completed. And at the end of a lesson I’ve scrolled down on the right — there’s the “complete” button.
I’ll double-check settings on the course, it is linear you’ll need to complete the lessons in order but in case you read any of them before actually joining the course, double-check the number of completed lessons and make sure the ones that were available in preview are also completed.
Please let me know if there’s any further troubles! 🙂 I want the course to work as expected.
We missed this thread! Great stuff thank y’all for supporting each other. 🙂
We’d also go the shorter meetings & less goals. Work on making corrections for perfectionism, too. Progress is perfect. Sometimes we see things in either “yes” or “no” — good or bad — succeed or fail. School systems with the main point being pass/fail reinforce this mentality. Many things come in shades and blends and striations and there’s myriad room between yes and no for qualified yes, qualified no, maybe, perhaps, could be, and let’s wait and see. 🙂
It’s like if someone asks you to turn on the radio because they’d like to hear some music. You turn it on at 10 (of 10). Then instead of asking to lower the volume they ask just to turn it off.
There’s plenty room between off and pump up the volume. Soft music is still music.
This is great stuff, the exercise is a really tough one. Hopefully it helps some people out. Feel free to comment if any new realizations come up for anyone.
Thanks for the responses, everyone 🙂 We really appreciate the participation in the forums. It’s helpful, especially for folk who haven’t been able to make it some weeks.
Oh, Crystals, we love your& idea of having a meet & greet before the course starts, it’s great. 🙂 Thanks for sharing that!! We saw it a few weeks ago. We apparently didn’t reply though. So we’re replying. No problems about lagging on the coursework, we get that life is happening outside the courses. Hopefully y’all get something out of it regardless.
Oh it was being stuck in therapy that folk in our system wanted to pull that chart up for I think. Like to give a visual of what likely ought to be taking place and where y’all are at so you can see how hypnosis may not be promoting the skills y’all need to come together as a system and stabilize.
We spoke about the therapy/therapist issues in the group today, and I think working on empowerment with your therapist would be a good (massive) step. So addressing session length, whether hypnosis is a tool that should be continued with (see if you can check in outside of therapy with other headmates about it!), and so on will help you/y’all take more control of the therapy sessions, and hopefully start to mitigate the potential for counter-transference. He’s not your& savior. And y’all all have hired him to help y’all, not to promote being stuck in therapy.
Here’s a PDF of the 3 stages graphic we shared during the class. So that y’all can see some of the skills y’all may not be getting in therapy. Be cautious about doing any trauma work without making sure that y’all have good coping skills. Yes, sometimes something does come up and needs to be handled in some way (such as containment, but also potentially working to process it) — but do be careful about it.
And the system map is something your system will have to decide when it’s time to share it. Maybe they can make an abridged map that they ARE able to share with you, rather than the full everything map. Something to help you understand some of what’s going on.
It’s really tough being in a position of being a host that’s kept out of the loop. At the same time, you might need to be ready, willing and able to accept many different things. We don’t know the composition of your& system but it could well contain multitudes, could be a lot of kids, or a lot of non-humans, or a lot of differently-gendered folk. They could be gay or trans (so might you, but for some people that’s a shock). And so on. They might not be what you expect at all. The more open-minded & inclusive you are in your own personal thinking the easier it will be when you do find out more.
Also there’s the question of how becoming more co-conscious might affect the other things you do like working. And whether you’re really ready for roadbumps that might happen from finding out more.
Regardless, I think y’all need more direct contact with each other, to remove the middleman (literally) from internal communication somehow, and we’ll talk more about the tools you might be able to use elsewhere. Because you have valid reasons for communication concerns. And we’re really upset on all of your behalf about that — we’re really sorry that the world shat on your& internal trust in that way.
The best encrypted communication system out there for y’all is in your own head if y’all can get there ASAP. Not saying that as pressure. But they (external folk) can’t read minds yet, so the best place bar none will always be behind your& ears if and when y’all can manage it.
We’ve been plural since forever, and can’t remember ever as a body/whole believing we were singular. So we ate our own dogfood and contemplated this question and went at least 1 or more levels deep instead of external world, we went internal world.
So Star& who used to be Crimishia/Nightwind — but then turned out she was multi-aspected along past life incarnations and they still haven’t figured out if they’re singular conscious or multiconscious — and Elvair who is kinda part of a Sense8 type of multidimensional incarnated being (one incarnation in our head of a multi-incarnated being where he is peripherally aware of the other incarnations elsewhere in the multiverse) contemplated this question as system individuals.
Also Eve went off to ponder the question regarding the Christina& subsystem who used to think it was the host of this body but turned out to be a kids in a trenchcoat subsystem, but she hasn’t gotten back to us or continued the journal/discussion.
There’s always room to apologize, add in additional selves care & compassion for things out of your& control, and invite the folk grumpy about things into sessions to try to figure out alternatives, ways to handle it better, etc. if they’re capable of attending.
Also, consider better boundaries to protect folk from external circumstances outside of y’all’s control. We’ll talk more about this in the Empathy & Boundaries week — for example our reparenting center can be used to help filter on behalf of traumaholders & syskids regarding some of the tough stuff adults need to deal with externally.
It doesn’t have to be long, and there’s no obligation on what to say. Some folk may be more-or-less anonymous, others may want to say more about themselves.
Some folk like to share identity labels, type of plurality/plural labels, size of their system & whether or not they’re polyfragmented, how long they’ve known they’re plural, maybe a few names of folk in their system likely to participate in the course, where they’re located in general or time zone type stuff for context, and maybe why they’re here or their attitude/hope for the course — that’s all optional.
It’s nice to have an idea of who is in the course for context’s sake.
We have some non-United Front/self-help courses we want to put up. Basically some books that we have been working on that could be changed to courses instead. One is a writing course — and another is tarot. We keep flip-flopping on whether to change our cookbook-in-progress into an online course (or series of courses) instead.
But our 2022 is pretty busy, so not sure if/when this will happen.
We’re really looking forward to seeing what the community comes up with as courses for the site, and hope that folk get some compensation for their work & talents 🙂
We’re the Crisses, we are the site admin, create a lot of courses online, and have a head full of busybodies. We created a lot of the materials used in the course developer course for Udemy instructors, and adapted them for this site — so if you see anything that’s weird or doesn’t fit let us know.
Hi, Folks! 🙂
We hope that y’all find what you’re looking for in the course, and looking forward to your& feedback 🙂
Crisses
Hi, brightnomadsystem 🙂
We hope that you find what you are looking for in the course, and if you feel anything is missing, please do let us know and we’ll do our best to help out or fill in anything you feel is missing (if we can). 🙂
Welcome aboard, and enjoy!
Crisses
Also, Newt was a traumatized survivor about 5-6 years old who used her ingenuity in impossibly horrific circumstances to survive and thus didn’t trust the military investigative team when they showed up. She was convinced the rescue team wouldn’t survive, so she kept hiding.
Thanks for answering everyone — we are pretty excited to work on this material with y’all and hopefully everyone gets the improved communication, relationships, and clarity that y’all are seeking 🙂
Thanks everyone for posting! 🙂 We’re really looking forward to the group tomorrow — Try to come a couple minutes early in case of tech issues, and we’ll see y’all there. 🙂
Thanks everyone, great replies so far — we’re pretty excited.
Our goal for creating the course is to attempt to do even better than our conference session and explore what teaching methods help folk the most, as well as what folk actually need to get from their maps — so that maybe some new ideas & methods come out of it. However, we won’t be too surprised if everyone’s needs are entirely unique either, if every map is wildly different, if everyone gets something different from it — but hopefully all equally fulfilling and useful on a deeply personal system-wide level.
And our experience is pretty extensive, but mostly with our own system. We’ve had access to plurals sharing their lists, details of their system, drawings, art, maps, faceclaims & various collages etc. for a long time. But interestingly we are pretty resistant to “parsing” other people’s intimate information deeply. We reflexively don’t want to study their “Stuff” so much that we might introject something or some of us feel like it’s a friend (and only a friend) sharing how well their bra fits. Like “Uh — cool, really interesting. Pretty. Looks comfie.” (Looks away). ROFL
So hopefully we’ll gracefully accept the gift of those who are comfortable sharing, and remain modest, humble, awed, and defer to others and their own wisdom, instinct, intuition, artfulness, craftiness, wily & moxy in creating their own maps that make 100% perfect, hopefully “Comfie” sense to them without staring too intently or trying to pick apart, objectify or worship their creativity and beauty. 🙂
OH!! It’s based on http://gravatar.com — so basically use your same WordPress login email on Gravatar.com and WordPress looks it up there. Weird eh? I think that may solve your issue. Let us know we’ll subscribe to this forum we didn’t see the post.
Thanks for the feedback on “stowaways” — and feel free to find another term. To explain, we mean it as “unlogged unknown passengers” not as “unwanted or undesirable passengers” and when we discover them we welcome them and “onboard” them. The term as defined by various dictionaries is more about the act than a judgement call:
- to secrete oneself aboard a vehicle as a means of obtaining transportation
- a person who hides on a vehicle (as a ship) to travel without paying or being seen.
- A stowaway or clandestine traveller is a person who secretly boards a vehicle, such as a ship, an aircraft, a train, cargo truck or bus.
- A stowaway is a person who hides in a ship, airplane, or other vehicle in order to make a journey secretly or without paying.
So there’s no particular connotation as to how the operators of the vehicle might feel about it in the terminology — we don’t pass judgement on it. Sometimes people stowaway (in external life) due to poverty, needing asylum, or being underage to travel alone (runaways) etc. So someone may be escaping bad people as much as anything else — which is the case for our internal ship stowaways. They feel they’re being pursued or that they need to hide. We understand that they feel that need — and we try to reach out to help them become official passengers. Basically, we actively grant them asylum and protect them.
And it’s easier than typing out “clandestine travelers” lol.
OOOH —someone pointed out the relationship between Ripley & Newt in Aliens. Great example!